Kicking bog roll around the gaff and chipping ping pong balls into a water-filled cup are the has-beens of the self-isolation world.
Innovative ideas are created at a canter to ensure our sanity remains intact, while it’s always a bit of fun to see how footballers are entertaining themselves during this unprecedented time.
James Milner’s already increased his iconic social media status ten-fold, while David Luiz has proven to be a superior content creator than defender – if you weren’t already aware.
Nevertheless, with the content refusing to dry up, let’s take a look a who’s winning quarantine this week…
There’s no doubting Graeme Souness will be asking whether ‘can this man be trusted?’ or ‘why isn’t he taking quarantine more seriously?’ but Paul Pogba is having his fun, people.
First, we saw the elegant Frenchman bless our Instagram feeds with an off-the-wall trick shot into a mini basketball hoop following a flick which he made look way too easy, before he got his mother to play the role of Phil Jones as he carried out quite possibly the slowest nutmeg ever seen in quarantine football.
Yeo trudged off, either embarrassed or simply ready to lock him out of the house.
Souness: “Pogba’s mother needs to take a long hard look at herself and say ‘I should off crunched him there’, that boy wouldn’t have seen a post-quarantine world if I was in her shoes.”
Winning Rating: 6/10
Putting Your Medals on the Table Rating: 2/10
Alphonso Davies? Sure, he’s a kid, it makes sense. Todd Cantwell? A showman, not surprised he’s lip-synching old FIFA tunes while pretending he was on a night out. Wait a minute…is that…is that Robert Lewandowski?!?!?!?!
Have a day off!
That would’ve been the reaction of EVERY football fan when they saw the 31-year-old Pole appear out of nowhere – Randy Orton style – on their TikTok ‘FYP’ pages.
But to be fair to man that goes by the username ‘_rl9’ (accompanied with a blue tick, of course) he’s actually proven to be half-decent at…TikTok-ing?
He’s no Alphonso, but his rendition of Drake’s ‘Toosie Slide’ dance was a fine effort while a fair share of football clips in his garden have reminded us all of Lewa’s gift with a ball at his feet.
Let’s not even talk about that denim jacket…
Winning Rating: 7/10
Being the Person You’d Least Expect to be on TikTok Rating: 10/10
Giovani Lo Celso
Amid a torrid campaign for Spurs, summer signing Giovani Lo Celso has been a shining light, especially since the turn of the new year.
And if their performances on the field weren’t bad enough, the Lilywhites’ woeful display during the quarantine (so far!) has seen the club reach a new low.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STAY INSIDE!
But once again, Gio is there to save the day, providing the Spurs
What. A. Man.
Winning Rating: 8/10
Providing Spurs With an Ounce of Respectability Rating: 9.5/10
Matthijs de Ligt
The 20-year-old Viking has settled in at Juventus nicely after a fairly rocky start and just as any foreigner would with this amount of time on their hands, the Dutchman’s decided to try and master the native language.
Playing a pronunciation game alongside his girlfriend, de Ligt started shakily with poor interpretations of esercizio (exercise) and buio (dark) before he recovered expertly just like he did in the closing stages against Atletico to deny Angel Correa an equaliser, as he rolled impacciato (clumsy), chiacchierata (chat) and proprieta (property) off the tongue at relative ease.
Some wholesome content for the Bianconeri faithful to enjoy!
Winning Rating: 8.5/10
Your Girlfriend Being a Dutch Model Rating: 10/10
The 18-year-old Copenhagen starlet is quite literally winning quarantine at the moment.
The teenager came out victorious in the FIFA 20 ‘Stay and Play Cup’, beating the equally unknown Jesper Karlstom of European giants
Not Being Known Outside of Copenhagen Before This Tournament Rating: 11/10
It wouldn’t be right to not include the God of self-isolation himself; he’s in his element.
There’s always something to do around the Milner household and this occasion (although he posted the vid last week), he’s cleaning stones – sat in front of his precisely cut garden, of course.
With his Liverpool
Oh, and he also took a break from his household chores to poke a cheeky dig at Virgil van Dijk as well…
Winning Rating: 9/10
Sitting in the Most James Milner Position Possible Rating: 12/10