Well hi there. Long time no see.
Football around Europe has finally made its long-awaited return, and that means 90min‘s Definitive European Player Power Rankings is back! Hold your applause, hold your applause.
We’ve got to come back with a bang, and there’s only one way to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Seinfeld time.
“People don’t turn down money. This is what separates us from animals.”
Werner might not have been at his best since football’s return, but he still earned himself an enormous move to Chelsea. Fair play.
“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”
A goal? Check.
An assist? Check.
A Premier League trophy? Check.
“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”
After a stellar few months, Vinícius had a pretty hefty sleep as he went three months (also known as five games) without a goal.
Two on Tuesday was a good way to get back on track, mind.
“Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.”
Immobile drew a blank as Lazio gave up a two-goal lead against Atalanta, falling to a 3-2 defeat and dropping four points behind Juventus.
“You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.”
Roma has seen more than its fair share of famous architects in the past, and the man responsible for building success these days is Džeko.
The Bosnian bagged two goals in his side’s return to action – a 2-1 win over Sampdoria which keeps Roma in the race for Champions League qualification.
It’s been a hectic few weeks for Havertz, but things have started to calm down. A 2-0 loss to Hertha BSC saw Bayer Leverkusen drop out of the top four. Not ideal.
“Yada, yada, yada.”
27 goals and nine assists for Sörloth this season. He managed one and one with Crystal Palace. What’s going on?
“No soup for you!”
Not only did Pulisic seal the Premier League title for Liverpool, but he may also have put the final nail in Benjamin Mendy’s coffin at Manchester City.
“I’m busting, Jerry! I’m busting!”
With Bruno Fernandes behind him, Martial is just oozing goals.
He bagged the first post-Fergie hat-trick for Manchester United and looks ready to force his team back into Europe.
“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”
Has Sancho given up on Dortmund? Well, that’s what some reports would have you believe…
“Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?”
Lukaku is really bald these days. There’s your link to that reference.
Alongside regularly shaving his head, he’s also banged two goals in his last two games.
“The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”
It’s not only old men who get angry. 19-year-old Haaland looked like a man possessed when he fired two goals past RB Leipzig, cementing Dortmund’s spot in second.
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
Ronaldo did nothing to help Juventus during their first few games back, but finally contributed something in the 2-0 win over Bologna. Nothing like a good penalty.
“When you control the mail, you control…information.”
Messi controls everything on the pitch. ‘Nuff said.
“I gotta focus. I’m shifting into soup mode.”
Lewandowski has been in soup mode all year. The Bayern man is on one this year.
Four consecutive games with a goal. Six goals and two assists. Nobody on the planet is doing what Lewandowski is doing this year.
For more from Tom Gott, follow him on Twitter!